Juice Fast – Day 4

Note to self – next time, more juice.

This one is a bit pulpy.day 4

This photo doesn’t do the color justice.  It’s a deep beet red color – the perfect color for my nails at Christmas!  Which is only 7 months from today!  What?! 

I didn’t ride yesterday, but it’s on the agenda today.  It’s sunny and warm on the coast – perfect for a bike ride.  I live 3 blocks from a big campground and that’s where I walk my dog.  I don’t have to stress about highway 101 traffic when I there, but my new bike rack hasn’t been used – yet.

Maybe a ride to the water is in order.

bike

I’ll make sure to take my own photos!

“How Did You Evolve? How Did You Survive This Technological Adolescence?”

If she could ask aliens only one question, (she asks two) Jodie Foster’s answers in the film Contact inspire thinking outside the box.  They’re great questions, but she – in the film – doesn’t believe in God and says as much when pressed about it.  So – how will humanity survive?  Do we need to believe in something bigger than ourselves – God maybe?

What will be required of us to pull together and work together to survive?

I’m not so convinced that we’ll die off through collective suicide (people killing one another through war to the point of extinction will equate to suicide) as I am that we’re – collectively – more apt to do something stupid.  Our collective ego is running the planet, and that – if a higher mind doesn’t prevail – will be our downfall.  Because ego is ultimately stupid.

Ego reminds me of cancer – something so ravenous and sans intelligence that it kills its host, and inevitably – itself.  Maybe we will annihilate ourselves.  Is suicide stupid?  Or is it grief and despair beyond words?

Humans are an interesting species.  We’re strange.  Quirky.  Our potential is fantastic and we’re capable of amazing things.  We’re also stuck in the middle of a game of king of the hill.  That seems to be the mentality.  Those of us not interested in the game are at the mercy of it all the same.  And it’s a downer.  The playground is the planet, so leaving isn’t an option.  So, what to do?  What’s needed – smarts or more $ (power)?  How do we motivate the stupid bullies to consider that they’re listening to their egos instead of their hearts?

I guess it’s just going to take time.  It sure is a good thing the Universe is still expanding.  We’re going to need a lot of it (time) to get this right.

expanding universe

via Daily Prompt: Survive

Closing In On The end of Fast Day # 3

Pear, orange, red apple, nectarine, lemon, & carrot juice.dinner

This is my favorite juice/meal so far.  The pears were yum-O.  However, I’m beginning to think that a lot of things are going to start tasting good because it’s 7:00 pm here and tomorrow will be day 4 of the 8-day fast.

On a scale of 1 to 10 – one being hungry and ten being ravenous – I’m at a 3.5 overall.  I just drank dinner so right now I’m at a one.

If I can get through tomorrow – totally doable – I can finish this.  Once the half-way mark has come and gone, the finish line is always within sight.

Juice #Fasting – Day 1 Of 8

The toaster is no longer on the kitchen counter.  The food items in the refrigerator are going into the trash.  I finished off the most important stuff – M&Ms, tortilla chips, most of the expensive bread … beans, potatoes, sausage, eggs, and Italian soda.

TillamookThe cheese stays.

I keep telling myself to expect sweeping hunger pains and mood swings.  I may even be talking myself into a bad mood just thinking about what’s to come.

I used to go days without eating when I drank, but I was never hungry so it didn’t matter.  I really enjoy tasty food – especially crunchy stuff – so I imagine this isn’t going to be very much fun by early evening.

Coffee will remain on the menu as the one vice I’m not giving up.  It’s just too important.  The only thing I’ll be chewing for the next eight days is gum.  And I’m still undecided on whether or not to blow $300.00 on a juicer.

Any suggestions – anyone?

One thing I may have missed the mark on is how little – if anything – I’ll be saving at the grocery store.  Organic fruits and vegetables are expensive and it’s going to take a lot of them to make 6 – 8 servings of juice a day.  I normally spend around $75.00 a week for food items.

 

 

I Called It The Event Horizon

I wrote a book – a memoir.  I called it Saturation because, during my 3rd treatment center stay, I had to visit with a counselor who also had a part-time job outside the center as a medium.  That’s right – she was a psychic.  During my first visit with her – about a week into the program, she asked me what I thought about the alcohol poisoning I’d done to my body.  I was well past physical withdrawal so I knew there were no traces of alcohol in my system, but I also knew that wasn’t what she meant.  I told her I didn’t feel very well, which was true – residential treatment is depressing – no matter how nice the facilities are.  But that isn’t what she meant either.

“You are completely saturated.”  She said.  It sounded so much more powerful under the influence of her Irish accent.

I knew exactly what she meant.  My tolerance for alcohol was extraordinary.  In my book, I describe the mental and psychological sensations of withdrawal and compare them to what I imagined my mind being warped and stretched slowly over an Event Horizon might feel like.  The precipice of insanity where the fall endures time – and the rush can be felt mingling with the fear in one’s mind – that’s the mental anguish of withdrawal.  Often times I wondered how I would survive if I had to live forever in that mental torment.  There’s no better description of hell and I get it when I read or heard about someone going nuts as they got clean or sober.

To speak about the mind/brain and body as though they’re apart from for a moment; they’re extremely unhappy campers when it comes to having to recover from substance addiction.  They know how to scream without taking breaths or breaks.

The terror and anguish are almost beyond words and they are the main reason I continued to drink.  There were only three ways I ever got through withdrawal – unconsciously, medicated, or drunk.

via Daily Prompt: Precipice

I’m Not Bitter About It, But…

I had this great idea about ten minutes ago to find a ‘Daily Inspirations’ site so that I could set up an account to have a new amazing inspiration emailed to me every morning.  Something deep and reflection worthy to help me kickstart the day.

I couldn’t find one.  Not one!

It’s not out there.  If it is – I must still be cascading out of early morning theta waves because I couldn’t find one worthy site.  I searched for daily meditations, inspirations, spiritual inspirations, Buddhist meditations – and everything looked so – – cheesy.  I’m just not in the mood for cheese right now.

cheese

I’m in research mode these days, devouring information.  I took the Myers-Briggs 16 Personalities test this weekend and discovered that  I’m an INTJ.  We make up only 3% of the population.  Sweet!  I also discovered a really cool Mayan Astrology site.  Who knew the Mayans were into astrology?  According to it, I’m a White Spectral Dog, doubled.

Yeowza!

So – in the spirit of attempting to consciously contribute something meaningful and practical to the planet on a daily basis – because discovering what I’m interpreting as valuable information from websites about myself has put me in a peppy mood – I will begin leaving daily quotes or affirmations here – starting with this one by me:

I don’t know what it looks like – yet – but today, I’m going to do one nice thing – for another person.

(I feel I ought to cough up a truth here.  Before I wrote “another person” above, I wrote the word ‘myself’.)

 

 

via Daily Prompt: Bitter

It’s A Glass Of Lunch

It’s a pretty color though, right?

A cheeseburger sounds really good.

I watched four hours of Chopped last night.  I’m not even half-way through this 8-day fast, and already fantasizing about what to eat first on Tuesday.

My body isn’t being subtle telling me there’s no food in there.  And while I don’t feel like I’m starving – I do feel funny.   My anxiety is a little higher today than normal, which I’m attributing to having not eaten since Sunday.

Eating is something to do.  It’s about more than just assuaging hunger – it’s a fun past-time – like shopping for new espadrilles on Amazon.  Eating has been a small multi-tasking ritual that accomplished important endeavors simultaneously – it eliminated hunger, gave me something to do, and it occupied short periods of time.

Something else worth noting – vegetable juice is BORING.  Yummy food is something I look forward to.  I associate eating tasty morsels of flavorful goodness with positive feelings. I’m not experiencing positive feelings downing a glass of vegetable lunch.  There’s no psychological reward.

The anticipation of eating, the visual I get looking at something I’m about to devour – something that my nose tells me will taste good, the sensation of chewing, and the sensation of becoming satiated – these are all missing and this part of not eating is almost a bigger deal than the physical sensation of getting by on four glasses of thick juice a day.

Fasting Day 3 – A Bit Punchy

Brunch.ensureI didn’t have time for anything else this morning and this is actually what I normally have anyway, so it’s all good. Vanilla Ensure’s are tasty.

Today is day 3 of the 8-day juice fast and I’m noticing slight lethargy and punchiness, which equates to impatience.  Hunger comes in small waves and each time it does, I redirect it to go tackle the fat in my thighs.

Seriously.

I had a dream last night that I looked down at my tummy and it was a smooth, fat, blob of unfit belliness. which isn’t remotely what it looks like in real life.  While my belly isn’t rock hard, it doesn’t look like I’m about to give birth to an eight-pound jellyfish either. jelly2

It speaks to me though – lots of grumbling and squeaking/whining sounds going on.  It caught me a little off-guard yesterday with a loud combo squeak/grumble and I said, “Was that me?”

It was.

They Don’t Recognize The Value Of Life

That’s been my first impression when terrorists go after large crowds.  I was wrong.  Terrorists know full well the value of life – that’s why they go after large crowds.

What was I thinking? 

I assumed that terrorists don’t recognize the value of human life because if they did, they would find other – smarter – ways to make whatever their fucking point is.  Killing lots of innocent people doesn’t teach anyone anything.  It just makes other people want to kill the killers and the people behind them.

Lots of killing.

When will people evolve out of barbarianism?  I wonder what year it’ll be.  20,200? 50,677?  Or will we end ourselves?

Astrophysicist  Neil deGrasse Tyson said something on Bill Maher last night that got my attention.  He said that if we can make Mars inhabitable for people, we can keep Earth inhabitable for people.  There’s no good reason we should ever have to replant ourselves.

But some of us are just – THICK.

It’s hard to wrap my head around crazy and inhumane when I know that terrorists aren’t alcoholics.  If they were alcoholics, that detail certainly wouldn’t excuse their behavior but it would explain it.  Their motivations and behavior aren’t fueled by mind altering substances.  So, what’s left?

Hate.

I think most people would agree that hate is the opposite of love.

Hate is at one end of a long pole – and love is at the opposite end, far far away.  BUT THERE IS ONLY ONE POLE.  This means that they’re two extremes of the same thing.

What is that thing?

Most people who have studied psychology understand that hate is extreme fear.  There are really only two emotions – and variations of them – love and fear.

So what the fuck are terrorists so afraid of?

We are witness to and part of a crazy time in the human experience.  I can only imagine what our great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, grandkid’s impressions of us will be.

via Daily Prompt: Impression

Juice Fast Lunch – Day 2

I picked up some goodies at the grocery store this morning and it’s only now occurred to me to share that I am – in no way – whatsoever – a cook.  While it isn’t necessary to be one to create vegetable juices, it would be helpful to know how much of what to toss into the Ninja.

DSCF0452 (2)

So, I’m guessing.

1/3 cup cucumber – peeled

2/3 cup broccoli

Handful of peeled baby carrots

Handful of spinach

1/3 of a big tomato

Three big squirts of lemon juice

One can V-8 followed by half a can of water

I said to myself “Jennifer, try to make it taste like a really nice bite of salad.”

Okay, so that didn’t work out.

DSCF0454 (2)

This juice fast I’m following suggests that vegetable juices – as opposed to fruit – are better at convincing the mind that it’s filling.  I’m not so sure I agree.  I think quantity has something to do with how full I’m feeling.

Look at all that mushy greenness!

It’s actually not too terrible and I think the V-8 is doing the magic here.  That and the lemon.

I’m going to have to remember to pick up more toilet paper at the store.

Time for a bike ride!