This is the title of an imaginary conversation I just had with my young adult sons.
A little background: I had custody of my sons (they have different dads) in 2005 when I let them go live with their fathers because I got married and moved to Canada. I was a chronic alcoholic at the time and very sick. So – skipping forward a decade – I missed out on my son’s lives. I missed important dates, experiences, issues, – everything really. And it sucks. And I can’t get it back. And neither can they.
And “I’m sorry” doesn’t undo a thing or mean much.
So, I go on these little mind “trips” every once in a while and have talks with them in my head that I wish I’d had with them in person when they were younger. It was my duty as their mother to help them understand and interact well with the opposite sex. That’s just a given. And I didn’t do it because I wasn’t there.
So, in my mind, I’m sitting across the kitchen table from the both of them. I have their full attention, and (think of the movie Inception here) in my mind (in this fantasy) I know they’re holding their breath and hoping this won’t take long so that they can get on with life. Because no one – usually – enjoys a parent’s speech.
“Sons, I just love you both so much. Okay then – here we go. Women are wonderful (full of wonder) creatures. We’re lovable – you get that. We’re soft and our hair is fluffy and we can be delicate and pretty, and sometimes we know how to cook yummy stuff. We’re fun to be around, you like the sound of our laugh and the softness of our skin. And of course, sex is a lot of fun. But – when you start to notice a woman doing weird shit, it’s because she’s gotten off course from the map in her heart.
What that means is she’s not living in alignment with her values and she can’t do that if her needs aren’t being met – BY HER – not by you. She’s responsible for her stuff in the same way you’re responsible for making sure your needs are met so that you can live in alignment with your values.
Think of a train on a track in your heart. Your heart is the train. The track is your soul’s intention. Everyone’s heart desperately wants to follow the soul’s intention. Do NOT roll your eyes at me! This is important! Now, when you ignore the messages of your heart and live according to your wants, ideas of shoulds/shouldn’t’s, and what you think the world wants/expects OF you – you’re going to be one unhappy traveler because most likely, your train will keep jumping the tracks. And your life will mirror this. You’ll feel unmotivated, fearful, depressed, ambivalent, uncertain, or bored.
This is true for everyone.
Life has purpose – for every individual – and the key to uncovering each individual’s purpose lies within their hearts. So if your woman starts acting freaky – she might be a little off track. Ask her what she thinks she needs and how she thinks she can get it. What does she need to change or add in her personal life? And remember – you are never any one’s problem. Don’t ever let yourself be forced into taking responsibility for someone else’s train.
Trains that run parallel will offer great rewards.