When an alcoholic decides to start traveling the sober path, it isn’t as easy as just putting one foot in front of the other. It’s not the same thing as just – not eating chocolate anymore. If only. Our journey is one of nearly constant activity – especially in the beginning – coming at us from the bushes. As we venture forth on the path, we are bombarded by countless thoughts, sensations, and emotions. Sometimes it can be hard to remain upright.
I’ve fallen down hundreds of times and just stayed there; crawling in an attempt to gain some kind of headway. It didn’t work. It’s never worked – until now. And I haven’t had to crawl this time. My intentions were always good. I went to AA, got a sponsor and worked the 12 steps, but it never felt authentic – any of it. It never resonated. And now I know why. Those 12 steps weren’t mine. I was following someone else’s path – literally – their 12 steps. I didn’t know then that I ought to learn to speak the language of my heart and develop a relationship with it.
That looks really cheesy, doesn’t it … DEVELOP A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY HEART. Why is it so corny to talk that way in our society?
We don’t talk about stuff like that.
I wonder why …
My heart has the map to my success in sobriety. It’s been keeping my path for me all along. Waiting.
This relationship I’m forming with my heart is replacing NONE – as in alcohol AND drinking (because the act of drinking was part of the problem).
It’s a quiet, strange, a little bittersweet – unfamiliar correspondence I have with my heart. But I trust it.