I’m Not Bitter About It, But…

I had this great idea about ten minutes ago to find a ‘Daily Inspirations’ site so that I could set up an account to have a new amazing inspiration emailed to me every morning.  Something deep and reflection worthy to help me kickstart the day.

I couldn’t find one.  Not one!

It’s not out there.  If it is – I must still be cascading out of early morning theta waves because I couldn’t find one worthy site.  I searched for daily meditations, inspirations, spiritual inspirations, Buddhist meditations – and everything looked so – – cheesy.  I’m just not in the mood for cheese right now.


I’m in research mode these days, devouring information.  I took the Myers-Briggs 16 Personalities test this weekend and discovered that  I’m an INTJ.  We make up only 3% of the population.  Sweet!  I also discovered a really cool Mayan Astrology site.  Who knew the Mayans were into astrology?  According to it, I’m a White Spectral Dog, doubled.


So – in the spirit of attempting to consciously contribute something meaningful and practical to the planet on a daily basis – because discovering what I’m interpreting as valuable information from websites about myself has put me in a peppy mood – I will begin leaving daily quotes or affirmations here – starting with this one by me:

I don’t know what it looks like – yet – but today, I’m going to do one nice thing – for another person.

(I feel I ought to cough up a truth here.  Before I wrote “another person” above, I wrote the word ‘myself’.)



via Daily Prompt: Bitter

Hole > Spirit < = Essence (What's That? What?!) Time for a Cookie

Before looking up the definition of a hole, I describe it as a circular space that is defined by what’s around it.  And it leads somewhere.  I can be on one side – go through it – and then be on another side.  But the actual hole – it wouldn’t be there were it not for what’s formed it.  Right?

Merriam-Webster – a :  an opening through something :  b :  an area where something is missing

This interests me because the challenge of describing a hole is the comparison made by this website when trying to describe the essence of spirit.  “…it is an unknown and unknowable essence which exists outside and behind any of the senses and mental imagery which would inevitably have to be used in an attempted physical description of it.

I can’t see the wind, but I know it’s there because I’ve been watching it rock the branches outside my window all day.

This whole sober reality business is strange.  Especially when it comes to defining my life purpose.  Everyone has one, but I don’t know mine.  I wonder if it changes…


I think right now, mine is to explore and share my discoveries.


Universal Law #?

Law of Psychosomatic Influence

” »This law states that two things–whether animate or inanimate–once in contact with each other, will continue to act upon each other even at a distance, long after the actual contact has been severed. Matter coming into contact with other matter absorbs and influences as a result of the contact. There is a psychometric blending of the etheric emanations. This is why someone wearing a piece of inherited something or other will be influenced by the psychomatic emanations of the original owner. The more empathic a person is, the more likely they will be influenced by the state of mind of the original owner.”

I found that yesterday while studying something else completely unrelated to my post on Deja-Vu & the Skirt.

What are the chances?

I’m a member of a really cool spirituality forum and I posted about my skirt there, too.  This is what someone wrote in reply: “Its not maybe that it was yours more that the person that had it shares in the same energy you are. It is said that we travel in Soul Families so that energy is familiar to us when we come into contact with things and people.  Clothes, like all things, can hold energy with them, in a second-hand store at times what lands there is from estates.

I can relate with jewelry when I find it in a second-hand store I regularly visit. There are times when I find a vintage piece and I feel that in another life I would have worn something like that.”


Have you been attracted to an object or a place without being able to identify or understand why?  Ever encounter something new, but something about it feels old and familiar?

Ever meet someone new and you’d bet the farm that you’ve known the person  FOREVER?

What is that?

And how do I find my soul family?

I want one!

The Dawn Of Recognition Is Here

No one ever told me in treatment that I would have to learn to sit through uncomfortable feelings.


Just let that marinate for a minute.


Am I the only one who feels a little miffed about having to do this?


My history is comprised of either getting drunk or getting through withdrawal.  Was I able to do other things during these episodes?  Yes – sometimes.  But sitting through uncomfortable feelings like irritability wasn’t one of them.

Recently, I have started to experience uncomfortable feelings – irritability and impatience most significantly.  I’m experiencing sensations of not doing anything important or maybe that I’m not accomplishing things fast enough.  Regardless – this uncomfortableness is making me uncomfortable.  Now – there are probably several good reasons to explain this – which I feel is important to do because these uncomfortable feelings have got to be originating from something.

My period is here and it’s had a shaky comeback over the past year.  I’ll be celebrating one year of sobriety on 11 May and my dad is coming out to celebrate with me.  We haven’t seen one another for over four years.  Okay, so some big things are happening or about to happen that could be logically contributing to my mood swings.  THAT SAID – what I’m having to learn is that I can NOT allow my moods to run my show – and I always have.

So this is weird and new and awkward.  And I don’t like it.

I had a dream last night that while I was driving in the dark, the steering wheel popped off.  It wasn’t scary, but I woke up anyway and knew EXACTLY what the dream meant.  In the dream, I am the car.  The steering wheel  popped off because I am allowing what I WANT and what I DON’T WANT to do – to run my show.  When I don’t want to do something – I don’t FUCKING WANT TO DO IT.  PERIOD.  And in the past – that was the answer.  But that is NOT OKAY anymore.  Whether I want to do something or not is beside the point.  AND – this want/don’t want issue is getting in the way of my ability to accomplish my goals.  Exercise for example; I’m having a hell of a time making myself exercise when I don’t want to.  Why would I exercise when I DON’T WANT TO?!

Ooooh.  Riiigghhhtt.  BECAUSE I WON’T GET IN SHAPE IF I DON’T.

(I am not a dumb shit.  I am not a dumb shit.  I am not a dumb shit.)

Sigh.  Why didn’t anyone teach us in treatment that we’d have to teach ourselves what it looks and feels like to persevere through uncomfortable feelings?  Through feelings of I DON’T WANT TO?

As a coach, explaining this will be one of my missions!


It’s an extremely valuable bit of information.

The dawn of recognition is here!

I started this blog to keep myself accountable, but I didn’t ENVISION a real theme for it.   I had goals – getting in shape, creating new habits, expanding my – whatever needs expanding, but I didn’t have a vision.  Today, I’m beginning to form a vision for this blog and for my future – things/outcomes I can actually see.

I recognize the value and importance of creating and focusing on a vision – something that I can actually see in my head – something that I can manifest.


  I think I’m going to take you – my readers – on a life coaching journey right here.  This idea seems to be sitting well in my heart.  I still have another 11 1/2 months to go with this blog, so – I’ll bring it  – you all can see what I’ve got – and then we’ll all see what happens!

People Tend To Believe What They Hear Themselves Say

Even when what they’re saying is utter crap.

How often do we hear people say “I don’t know” and then stop talking? How often do we hear people try to figure out what they mean while they’re talking?  “Well, I don’t know what I mean, but these words strung together sure are resonating.  Let me get back to you on that.”


That would be so refreshing.  Listening to people admit that they don’t have it all figured out.  Listening to people who don’t take themselves so seriously that they can just be authentic and shrug off the pressure to have an immediate answer.

I wonder how many of us consider whether we’re speaking and acting in awareness or speaking and acting in reaction.  I wonder how many people even know what that means.

HWB Beliefs are habitual ways of thinking that move along grooved neural pathways.  That seems dreadful to me in a way because I find habits so – monotonous (boring).  Outdated beliefs then must not serve us.  I wonder how often people stop and consider their beliefs.  I never knew to consider mine until recently.  I didn’t even realize I had ongoing beliefs (plural) – it’s not exactly the kind of thing I walked around thinking about.

My coaching program is lighting up my imagination like a fireworks display.

Do you react to life all day every day or are you strategic, considering, and conscious?

In the spirit of the title of this post, I’ve decided to practice a mantra in an attempt to create a new neural pathway in my brain.

noun: mantra; plural noun: mantras
  1. (originally in Hinduism and Buddhism) a word or sound repeated to aid concentration in meditation.
    a statement or slogan repeated frequently.

Habitual thinking creates pathways – grooves – in our brains.  Have you ever repeated arguments in your head with someone because you just haven’t or won’t let it go? (I do it all the effing time – it’s a habit)  Well, that thinking behavior is similar to a mantra.  We’ve created a neural groove for it in our brain by thinking about it so often.  This is why it pops into our head so easily all the time – the groove is just waiting for it. The good news?  We can regroove our brains.  Yes!  The old pathways can be erased or recoded by practicing new thoughts/mantras with the understanding that it’ll take time.  This is no different than creating a new habit – it’ll take lots of regular practice.


I’ve heard people chant before and honestly, the idea of doing this makes me feel a little uncomfortable because I think it’s corny.   So, I’m only going to do it aloud at home in front of my dog. That said, I am trying to reinvent myself here, and I’ve only got another 360 days to go, so I’m willing to try just about anything.

What I know about this mantra business is this – it has to be believed by the person saying it.  You can’t say a mantra that you don’t believe and expect it to work (the regrooving process).  I could never take myself seriously repeating a mantra like “I am love and peace and light and feathery white glory.”  Or some cheesy gooey ew like that.  I’m just not that kind of a dork.

Remember Stuart Smalley from SNL?  He was a mantra guy.  Here are some of his favorites:

  • “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.”
  • “I am a worthy human being.”
  • “Trace it, face it, and erase it.”
  • “…and that’s…okay.”
  • “I’m in a shame spiral.”
  • “I am a human being, not a human doing.”


In all seriousness …

EM I’m told this will work if I take it seriously.  So, here’s my mantra – “I have a purpose.  I survived addiction and I will use what I know and the tools available to me to help people into recovery. I will have fun, travel, form relationships, learn, and explore along the way.” 

I can live with that.



Day 3

Happy Tuesday, everyone!


So – get a load of this.  During my peer coaching class last night, J told me that he had a client for me.  He’s already a coach with Tony Robbins, but he’s getting a new certification through the program I’m taking.  I was super surprised and excited and said “OKAY” when he asked me to email him about the client this morning.

I did.

And the client turned out to be –

His mother.


I could not believe it.  I don’t know J.  He lives in another state – we’ve never met.  We’ve only been in our coaching program together for three months!

I just had to share this.  I am honored that he would trust me to help his mother.


Moving forward – I have a question and I wonder which one among you will answer me this: did I make an excuse today for exercising when I substituted it for cleaning a three-bedroom house?  It was a two-hour job and yes, it has a second story.  (No, I do not look that fit – yet.  On the upside, I am not a cartoon.)

cleaning exercise


I want to share an exercise that we’re working on in my coaching class.  We recently took several assessments to discover our needs and core values.  I’m not talking about essential needs that everyone shares like air and water.  I’m talking about personal needs – the needs you don’t necessarily share with your partner or family.  For example – I need to live in a quite and peaceful environment.  This is a need for me and not a want because I don’t function well around noise.  My block-out-the-noise filter doesn’t work.  I also need clarity and accuracy in my communications and exchanges. Those things are a big deal to me, but to you, maybe not so much.  Core values work in a similar way in that they’re personal.

Here are several examples of the difference between a need and a want.  You want a new car.  You need reliable transportation to get to work.  You want to travel the world.  You need to have different cultural experiences.  You want a million dollars.  You need to feel financially secure.  Your needs and your personal values make you YOU

Why is it important to know your needs and values?  Because when people live a life that is not in alignment with their needs and values – they suffer.  They wake up unhappy, unmotivated, unfulfilled, and uninspired and these feelings affect the body.  People know intuitively that something is wrong, but they don’t know what.  This can be especially weird when someone acknowledges that he or she has everything they want.  “Why am I so down when I don’t need a thing?”

Wanting, needing, and valuing aren’t the same.

I’m including a couple of links here in case you’d like to discover your needs and core values.  Discovering them and then implementing them into your life on a daily basis might just change your life. How?  Because knowing them will change your perspective!

Rocky bubble

(My screensaver image that I think is so cool!)

Knowing your values might make you feel better about getting out of bed every day because you’ll know yourself a little bit better.  Or maybe you’ll be shocked to discover that you value teaching (for example) when the thought of teaching has never crossed your mind even though in reality, you teach regularly to co-workers or whomever in the form of explanations and sharing things because it comes naturally to you.  Regardless – these assessments are fun and they don’t take too much time.

This first link will take you to Cheryl Weir’s site. http://www.cherylweir.com/assessments.html Her assessment is a little pricey and it’s lengthy, but I’m including it because it’s the assessment we took in class.  It’s detailed and spot-on.  This link http://thegoodproject.org/toolkits-curricula/the-goodwork-toolkit/value-sort-activity/ will take you to a bizarrely frustrating site that forces you to choose what’s most important to you in ranking order.  You might be surprised at how long it takes to sort through the list and at what your results are.  But when you realize the top four or five values, you can then begin to figure out how to piece them into your life if they’re not already there, resulting in a happier healthier YOU!


There are loads of needs and values assessments out there and google is your friend in this case.  Have fun with it.  Self-discovery is exciting!  It makes the universe feel a little friendlier!
See you tomorrow!  🙂

Day 2

B+.  That’s my score for today.  A hearty thank you to those of you who were so quick to jump on board here and sign up for email.  On my very first post no less.  Cool!  I hope to keep you interested!  🙂

So, a little about me and why I’m doing this.  Up until last May, I was a late-stage, chronic alcoholic.  I left my last treatment center this past July after a five-week stay and decided to make a heartfelt attempt to stay sober this time (because that’s the real challenge).  I was unclear about my future and which direction to take – because none of them looked remotely interesting – until I had an epiphany.

I decided to get a job at a treatment center.  The only kind of experience I had that qualified me for a job in a treatment setting was my experience as a patient in them.  And I knew myself well enough to know that I wouldn’t drink while working with people like me.  So I lied about my sobriety date during my interview and got hired to work with the floor staff team in a residential treatment center.  (Most treatment centers have a rule that they won’t hire people with a past substance use disorder until they’ve got 2 years clean & sober –  terrible rule.  I’ll write on this in another post.)

I stayed for three months. At some point during that experience, I got the idea to become a life coach/recovery coach.  And so, immediately after this past Christmas, I packed my things into storage, threw my luggage in the trunk, put my dog in the back seat, and headed south on highway 101.  When the itch to explore overwhelmed me after about seven hours, I stopped in a little coastal town in Oregon.  I’m still here 3 1/2 months later and nearly finished with the first half of a life coach program.

My first year of sobriety is coming to an end at the same time my coaching program is changing the focus from the client to me – the coach.  We’re learning to coach “from the inside out” and the timing of this is just eerily perfect.  I’ve learned how to discover the things I need in my life – things like peace/quiet, work, clarity/accuracy, freedom, and order.  I’ve learned how to discover my core values – like sobriety (this seems like a no-brainer, but it wasn’t a value a year ago), meditation/stillness, physical fitness, healthy relationships, research/learning, and teaching.

I didn’t know any of this stuff about myself this time last week!  I mean, I had a general idea about a couple of these things, but I couldn’t have named them like I just did.  And now that I’ve found these things – everything has opened up because my perspective has just changed.

And I’m amazed! I had no idea that a change in perspective could be so – fulfilling.

This explains why I’ve been feeling irritable, restless and discontent over the last couple of months.  Those words are used in that order by folks in AA to define a sober person as a dry drunk – someone sober who isn’t working a recovery program.  Well, I don’t subscribe to AA (been there done that) anymore because it’s a one-size-fits-all program.  I believe there’s more to sobriety, recovery, and life than giving it all over to AA.  And I just found the answer for me by designing a way to incorporate my core values into my life on a daily basis.

Whowouldathunk?  I didn’t see this coming.

What AAers don’t know is that the person they’re calling a dry drunk is really someone who isn’t living their life according to their personal core values.  This means that anyone – in recovery or not – addicted or not – who feels those feelings is probably out of alignment with their personal core values (personal being the key word).  It’s pretty hard to live by core values when one doesn’t even know what they are!

Once I discovered my needs and core values – all the things that I’ve been saying I want to do but wasn’t doing – became easy to do.  How is this possible?  I DON’T KNOWIt Just Is. But I’m not used to any of this and I have the sinking feeling it could all just evaporate at any time, so this blog is going to help me process my experiences, thoughts, attitudes and – whatnot.  Like I said in my first post, I’m using this to keep me accountable.  I refuse to give up on myself.

It’s been a good day.  A B+ sort of day.  I got up, had my coffee, meditated, walked my dog, exercised, studied, ate healthy food, went to class, and now I’m here.  Tomorrow the schedule will be different because I have to work.

Here’s what I believe – everyone has the power to transform their life if they’ll just listen   purply

to – and follow the call of – their heart.

On a side note, I’m reading The Girl With All The Gifts.  Anyone reading this?  I just found out that it’s in the theater.  The book is okay – not the best idea to read it before bed though.

High-Five everyone!  Until tomorrow.