Oblivious To My Own Assumption

I just spent 44 minutes on the phone with a potential client discussing his book project.  Somewhere in there, I said something that sounded like this “It looks like you’re listening to your heart.”  And he came back with “What do you mean?  My heart is just a muscle.”


But he’s right.  It is.

It took me a minute to explain what – exactly – I meant and while I was at it, he tried to figure it out himself and asked if I was talking about emotions and the part of the brain that controls them.  I had to shoot that one down because that isn’t what I meant – at all.

“Listen to your heart.”

“Okay!  Wait a second – what am I listening for?”

I can’t believe it’s never occurred to me that I’d need to explain it.  No one’s ever asked.

I just assumed people knew what I meant.  And I didn’t even know I was assuming.  


Human Beings are – in my opinion – here on the planet as spiritual beings having a human experience.   Not the other way around. We – each one of us – has a spark of God within us.  And this spark connects all living things.  So – when I say listen to your heart – I mean listen to the divine within.  That spark has a voice and it knows how to communicate with each one of us according to our ability to listen.


It is a quiet – strange and small, forceful nudging thing.  It doesn’t judge and it has no will though, so it isn’t forceful that way.  And it doesn’t remotely resemble ego.  It’s full of love, compassion, humility and integrity.  When I try to describe my experience of it – those are the words that work best.

After I explained it just that way, he said he understood me 100%.

What a curious way to be put on the spot.  I haven’t had a pop quiz in quite some time, but I think I passed!


Coming into sobriety isn’t about emerging from a maze – it’s about coming through a haze.  A thick haze.

A haze of murk.

When I look back on the madness that is alcoholism, I see an internal life tossed about like debris in a hurricane.  The clarity required to navigate a maze back then didn’t exist.  Think Jack Nicholson in The Shining.

No Bueno.

There aren’t too many good reasons to take trips down memory lane anymore.  The future is too bright.

bright future



via Daily Prompt: Maze

Hole > Spirit < = Essence (What's That? What?!) Time for a Cookie

Before looking up the definition of a hole, I describe it as a circular space that is defined by what’s around it.  And it leads somewhere.  I can be on one side – go through it – and then be on another side.  But the actual hole – it wouldn’t be there were it not for what’s formed it.  Right?

Merriam-Webster – a :  an opening through something :  b :  an area where something is missing

This interests me because the challenge of describing a hole is the comparison made by this website when trying to describe the essence of spirit.  “…it is an unknown and unknowable essence which exists outside and behind any of the senses and mental imagery which would inevitably have to be used in an attempted physical description of it.

I can’t see the wind, but I know it’s there because I’ve been watching it rock the branches outside my window all day.

This whole sober reality business is strange.  Especially when it comes to defining my life purpose.  Everyone has one, but I don’t know mine.  I wonder if it changes…


I think right now, mine is to explore and share my discoveries.


Uprooted And Transplanted

via Daily Prompt: Roots

Some people don’t move more than once or twice in their lifetime.  Some people never move away from the city they were born in or the city their family lives in.  Some people have never traveled outside their state.  I can only imagine that kind of permanence and familiarity.  Is that even healthy?  Or does it just feel safe?  How do some people get missed when the “I need an adventure” gene is being passed around?

I haven’t lived in the same house for longer than 18 months since I was in the 8th grade.  I’ve uprooted and transplanted myself so many times that if I were a real tree – I’d be long gone.  Thank goodness for resiliency and a sense of adventure.  But maybe it’s time to pull the breaks up on this behavior that seems to have turned into a way of life.

I moved back to the PNW in December of 2013, and since then, I have lived in seven houses and several hotels.  I’m also in my second state.  I never stay in one place long enough for my roots to take.  There’s always been too much drama and there’s always somewhere new to go.  And people are so challenging to live with.  But I’m discovering that – now that I live alone – I’m not so easy to live with myself.  I’m picky and sensitive to other people in my space.

I’ve got one more move coming up before I commit to acclimating completely to the new environment.  And then, I’m resolved to allow my roots to do their thing.  This is a scary idea though because what if I pick the wrong city or the wrong property?  California feels like the right idea – I’m a southern California girl by default – but it’s so crowded and I’ve got a thing for peace and quiet.

It’s hard to stay focused and present for similar reasons – there are so many interesting things to think about – – – the future.


I’m ready to experience the sensations of being part of a community.  Maybe if I put my faith into following my heart and doing the next right thing the path will unfold.




“The Two Most Important Days …

in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”  Mark Twain

So – this is really interesting.  Right now, we’re working on discovering our life purpose.  I have one.  You have one.  Your partner has one.  Your kids/siblings each have one.  And our life purposes aren’t assigned to us by family or society – well, they are sometimes – but those don’t ever work out.  The oldest and wisest of the coaches and sages think it’s likely that we’re born with our life purpose.  The things we’re drawn to as young children give us hints as to what it is.

I don’t know about you, but I was drawn to all sorts of stuff when I was a kid.  To begin to crack the life purpose code, I have to ask myself a series of questions – because that’s what coaches do – we ask specific open-ended questions – usually, questions that begin with the words how or what.

Q – “Right, so what do I remember spending the majority of my time doing on a regular basis when I was very young – ages 4 – 11?”

A – Reading and journaling and riding my bike in the mountains.  I also liked to collect stuff, and I liked small things and things having to do with space – specifically, aliens.”

Q – “Now list the top ten things I love to do or have always done and loved.”

A – Read, research, hug/listen to my kids, nature, animals, cycling, conversation, adventures, travel, and sex.

Q – “Mmhmm.  Okay, now name several things I’ve consistently made part of my life – things I continue to do over and over.”

A – Well, I drag my bike with me every time I move – even when I haven’t ridden in years.  I beautify my surroundings.  I surround myself with books, pens, and paper, and – most recently – I’m a relapse rebounder.  I kept crawling (literally) back on the wagon.  I’m tenacious.

After another 20 minutes of this Q & A dance, I end it all with “HM”.  But it’s a significant “HM” because that means I’ve caught something that I don’t know what to do with because it’s foreign, and foreign is good!  Foreign is exciting.  It’s something to consider and explore and – watch.

I had to go to work this morning and luckily, my job allows me to show up within a pretty wide window.  I decided to exercise and study first and I realized on my way home that I’d been selfish.  I’d decided to take care of my personal needs first before going to work, AND I WAS SO GLAD I DID.  IT FELT AMAZING!  And a little weird because – I normally feel guilty for doing something selfish.  But acting on my personal needs first rather than put them off made my day.

I don’t know what my life purpose is yet.  My mission is to discover it.  I’ve got a vision, too – to share the tools of this internal adventure with all who want them, to build a successful coaching career, to build healthy relationships, and to build my round house.